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Text Box: Detecting Humor

Text Box: Treasure Hunter Humor, submitted by Fred Booth. A beach treasure hunter walks into his local bar and the bartender says "I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible." "What do you mean?" said the treasure hunter. "I feel fine." "What about the artificial leg?" "When did you loose you leg?" "Well I stepped in a hole while detecting, broke it and complications set in." "Well, ok, but what about the hook?" "What happened to your hand?" "I wasn't looking while scooping in the water for a gold ring and a shark bit off my hand. I got fitted with the hook and it works fine." "What about the eye patch?" "Oh, one day while detecting at the beach I looked up when a flock of seagulls passed overhead. One of the them pooped right in my eye." "Your kidding" said the bartender, "you couldn't loose you eye just from some bird poop." "IT WAS MY FIRST DAY WITH THE HOOK." Top ten stupid things said while detecting. #10. "Honest honey, this new detector will pay for itself." #9. Yah, I hunt here from time to time, but let me tell you where my secret place is." #8. "Sure kids, you can follow me around and dig for me. Why of course you can try out my detector for a while." #7. "Well it looks like an electric line, but they aren't this shallow. I'll just cut into it a little way to see what it is." #6. I'll just lean the detector up against the car so I won't forget it when we drive off." #5. "You know what? I'll bet that there is some good stuff under those trees where the bulls are laying." #4. "Wade out a little farther, I don't think it's very deep." #3. "Go ahead and pet him, he looks friendly." #2. "It's probably just clad. I'll poke around with my steel probe 'till I feel it." #1. "Hey officer! Watch how fast I can pull my diggin' knife out of its scabbard!" I know that you are guilty of at least one of these. DC Submitted by David Colburn, (Idaho) The 10 sure symptoms of a diehard detectorist. I have been guilty of some of these..yipes! #10. When using your weedwhacker you are concerned about "Sweep Speed". #9. You do ALL of your gift shopping with a your detector. #8. You are featured on a T.V. show about detecting, and it's Dr. Phil. #7. You didn't propose to your girlfriend until you dug up just the right ring. #6. If you roll over in bed you might bend one of your detectors. #5. You think Mel Fisher is a "Hobbyist". #4. The battery chargers in use in your house keep tripping the breakers. #3. You look at young ladies on the beach just to check out their jewelry. #2. You carry a picture of your detector in your wallet to show everyone. #1. Eveready and Duracell send you birthday and Christmas cards each year. If you have any of these you need a vacation. Be sure to take your detector along! Submitted by David Colburn, (Idaho) You know you're living in 2006 when..... 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 4. You e-mail your friend who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses. 6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner. 7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line. 8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies. 10. You learn you've been laid off on the 11 o'clock news. 11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job. 12. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards. 13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling. 14. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends". 15. You got this e-mail from a friend that never talks to you any more, except to send you jokes from the net. 16. You are too busy to notice there was no No. 9. 17. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a No.9. (Bet you all did this one!?!?!?) Submitted by Blanca Bashaw These are the top ten signs that you are a detecting nut. #10. A friend tells you his new girlfriend has double Ds and you assume she has purchased a new coil for her DFX. #9. All of your pants have grass stains on the knees. #8. Your trash cans are full of pull tabs and bottle caps, and you don't even drink. #7. The toes are the first place that wear out on your shoes. #6. You take a GPS with you to carnivals and fairs to get the coordinates for the wild rides and ticket booths. #5. You have buckets of clad coins for door stops. #4. Anytime you are walking you look at the ground. #3. When you are in church and the minister says "Please be Seated" you respond with "Amen brother, or at least a Barber!" #2. You think discrimination is a bad thing, only because it makes you miss small gold. #1. When you are not out hunting, you are sitting in front of your computer reading and talking about it. (Like right now) Submitted by David Colburn, (Idaho)